So I have to ask the question that has been plaguing me for quite a bit now. The question that no 30 year old woman wants to mutter out loud or even admit that she is thinking. Especially one that is unmarried with no kids. Is it ok, to at 30, still be thinking that I am young enough and have plenty of time left for those 2 big commitments? Is that a reasonable thought? I hope it is. And its something I now daily tell myself as I twist in anguish at the prospect of leaving my job and any hope of a simple life. I love my job and the life I am currently living, its comfortable and safe. I go to work, I get paid, and I get to live out marital bliss without any of the responsibility by living with my best friend and her husband. My roommates are my best buddies and their happy marriage fills me with a sense of security and love. We have our routine. House parties, lazy sunday afternoons, game of throne marathons, dinner made every night. Its a pretty sweet gig. Jenni and I love all the favorite shows and our favorite past time is getting drunk on the couch, and heckling her husband Chris. Not having a husband, babies or a house to clean of my own, I have a lot of time that let’s me pursue my fun hobbies. Being the eclectic woman that I am, I dabble in archery, yoga, fitness, reading, writing, sailing and my favorite hobby of all, sleeping. I have the best of friends who love me for me and each has their own inside joke that one only gets being friends with me. Drinks, dinner, dancing and judgement . My girlfriends are wonderful. I get to go to work in an air conditioned/heated jewelry store, where I am one of the bosses.I have an awesome boss and a staff that is like family. If I am 20 minutes late to work, guess what it doesn’t matter (and I am daily). I am the repair manager/assistant manager at your local Zales Jewelers. I shop on my breaks and the most hard labor I have done is lift a ring from a case to the register. Its what I have been doing for the past 10 years and I am good at it. I know jewelry,sales and managing a store better than I know anything else, other than game of thrones and mascara. I get to look cute, dress up, and play with diamonds all day. I am not one of those woman who don’t have time to put themselves together. Anyone who knows me, I am always on point. Makeup done. Hair did. Sephora and Francescas are my second homes.I take pride in matching my earrings to my outfits and making sure my nails are always showcasing my diamonds perfectly. Another area where you would call me a lucky lady is I have a close family who are pure love. A safety net that has always enabled me to be bold and who I am. A sister who is my other half, a brother who is rock solid, and my mother who continues to leave me smiling for days. Like I said, I am a lucky girl. Its a pretty good feeling, having established such a comfortable life for myself.Yet, there had always been apart of me that thought every day as I drove the same route home from work, and walked the same distance from the driveway to the Sauciers front door, that there has to be something than this. There had to be something more to my life than this. What was it Meesh, what are you destined to do. Are you destined for something else. Little adventures here and there. More hobbies. More books, more naps. Constant battle between loving the comfort and yearning for the more. Why am I telling you all of this? Because the universe gives you what you ask for. It tells you and guides you to where your suppose to be. I was asking for the whats next in my life, and an opportunity of a life time has now presented itself, and I am scared out of my mind,

I never really believed that things happened for a reason. You always say it to yourself as a way to relive any kind of guilt for something or a way of giving yourself a break. Hey this happened or that happened, and it happened for a reason. But I never really believed it till the universe brought me back to Brian. Or should I say the universe brought Brian back to me. Brian had been taking a hiatus from traveling the world and living the good life when our paths crossed again, and never in a million years did I think we would end up together again. yes I said again, because approximately 14 years ago the universe brought us together for the first time. As kids we met and instantly fell in love. We became inseparable and he even got me a job working at a jet-ski para-sailing shack in downtown Plymouth on the wharf. We worked together at the dream summer gig and had a passionate love affair that only two 16 year olds with no responsibility and endless time together could have. Our chemistry was fire. But alas we broke up, because at 16 and different high schools we thought, theres gotta be something more right? We always remained friends throughout the years as I watched him take off and travel the world and I did what I thought I was suppose to do and that was go to college, have a boyfriend, plan a family and marriage. And as the years went on and he lived in France, South Africa, England and basically the world, I plowed through relationship after relationship searching for what was suppose to next for me. Every time he would come home we would have our catch up time and usual inevitable night together, I would always say goodbye without much of a thought because I could never dream a life with him would be for me. Not that I didn’t love him, I’ve loved him since the first time I met him, but I couldn’t imagine just picking up and going and using the world as my map like most use the south shore of Boston, Where do you wanna go this weekend? Boston, Quincy, the cape? With Brian it was more like which continent should we go to? It was something i couldn’t fathom for me. Yet as Brian rolled into my life once again, he was working as a successful boat captain. Putting together quite the resume for himself, he had chosen his life on yachts and boats and found a way to get paid for it. My captain. And as he chose to stick around more and more instead of taking his usual leave for the world after his visit back home, I began to visualize a life for myself with him and the world. Our relationship became more serious and his leaving now included me in the consequences, so he stayed. For me. I always knew that at any moment he could just leave. But he continued to stay, and we continued to grow more serious. In my heart, I always knew that a conventional life was never something Brian wanted. He wasn’t the guy to buy the house, buy the diamond and get down on one knee and say lets have babies, but he was the guy who was holding my hand and telling me to take a leap with him. Take a jump. Quit my job and come work with him on a boat in paradise. Just like him I had no ties holding me down, not even a plant I had to water. And just like that, I am 16 again.